


Letters from a corpse

by Justafewthingstosay



Series: Crew time Babey!!! [1]
Category: The Phoenix Crew - Fandom
Genre: I just want to hold her, I think I shared them before, These are her letters, Thoughts of Suicide, discussions of memory loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28965594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafewthingstosay/pseuds/Justafewthingstosay
Summary: When one loses the sense of oneself, writing a letter can help.
Series: Crew time Babey!!! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124537
Kudos: 1





	Letters from a corpse

To whom it may concern, 

I'm going to die here. I already know that it's going to end that way, I'll probably run out of food or fresh water or maybe the loneliness will kill me first. This was a large vessel after all. They had a lot of food. 

But that is not of importance. I don't want to die. It just seems like there is no other option for me than do so, therefore I will be using all the paper in the cartographers’ office to write out my days here. 

I hope a ship comes soon. 

Kailani Amara. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


To whom it may concern, 

  
I don’t know how many days have passed. In the beginning, it was easy to track. I could look at the rations and the water, I could see how many letters I wrote and could guess. But lately, my head hurts, so much. I don’t remember the last time I ate something or drank something. I don’t even remember the last time I slept. 

The temptation to just jump into the ocean and not resurface is getting stronger and stronger every day. 

Amara

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


To whom it may concern, 

This is my last letter. 

Kailani Amara

* * *

  
  
  


To whom it may concern. 

It turns out that even the sweet release of death has been taken from me. So I at least try to enjoy myself, I indulge in the fine wines and whiskeys that the captain of this ship had stored in his quarters and eat as much food as I want. 

It seems like this life, whatever it may be, does not want to be rid of me yet and I, sadly, cannot win an argument against life, when my death keeps getting denied. 

Sometimes I entertain the thought that I might still be getting keelhauled and all of this is just a trick of my mind, a hallucination before my body completely gives up. 

But maybe, maybe this is just hell and all of those friends of my father had been right. The churches that have told me that I would regret my actions after death were right and this was my punishment. Maybe. 

I really hope that that isn’t the case, mostly due to the fact that I would rather be stuck here for eternity before I would acknowledge that my father was right about something.

I’m just so lonely. I had never been someone to really enjoy most people’s company, I had enjoyed my solitude, but this was different. This wasn’t my choice, this was the forced isolation of a life lived with no one really caring about what you do, or where you are. This was just pain. 

A pain I must endure I suppose. 

With hope, 

Kailani Amara

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


To whom it may concern, 

I think I am losing memories. I remember my name is Kailani Amara, but I had forgotten the name of the ship that I served on. I don’t remember the names of my fellow crew members. 

I don’t remember their faces. Every memory is tainted with thick black tendrils that weave themselves over the faces and voices of those I once called friends, lovers or family. 

Those black tendrils appear a lot. 

They were on every fish that I saw when I took a swim the other day. Some of them completely engulfed in them, while others were only lightly touched. 

I don’t know what is happening. 

I just know that it makes my head hurt. 

I think I might lay down.

* * *

  
  
  


To whom it may concern, 

The sea keeps calling to me. 

I don’t think I can resist her call much longer.

I used to carry so much love inside of me. Maybe she can fill that void.

  
  


* * *

  
  


I started singing again. Old songs of melancholy that I didn’t think I knew the words to, but they come to me like old friends. When the words leave my mouth, I actually feel something. 

I don’t remember the last time that I felt, so I keep singing. 

It warms my aching bones. 

* * *

  
  
  


The first ship arrived today. 

I didn’t let them leave.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If we are all doing our crew writing dump, I might as well join in heheh  
> Let me know if there are any spelling errors or similar  
> Much love


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